Hello!
It’s me again, renxkyoko iglesias.
I’m feeling down right now. I don’t know why. It seems life is passing me by. Do you know I didn’t even know today is Friday? I thought it was Wednesday. I’m not kidding. I was at the front porch this morning drinking coffee when I saw the garbage truck and I hollered, ” Mom, have they changed the collection schedule? Today is Wednesday, right? ! ” And then I was like, No way, today is Friday? Already? What the #$%^&*! !
—————–
It’s 9 PM. Good news for me. I got a call from my sister’s friend who is the manager of a retail store BCDG, and he said he was going to employ me. Yes ! ! A second job ! I’m not going to leave Baskin and Robbins. I work at BCDG from 10 AM to 4 PM and dash to Baskin at 6 PM til close, which is 10 PM. I don’t mind the work hours. I’m not even sure if my new job’s an everyday thing. Besides, this is going to take me off a little heartache. Uhm, * clears throat * , you see , there ‘s this guy that I kinda liked, and he liked me too. We were schoolmates in high school, then we met again at the university. We became close, but , he stopped going to school after one semester and decided to move to LA to try his luck in the entertainment world. He stayed there for over a year, but, like thousands of others with similar aspirations, he didn’t make it. ……. epic fail. So he moved back here, and worked odd jobs. I asked if he was going back to school,…. his answer was negative. He said he wasn’t done yet. He’s still going to pursue his dream. I thought real hard about the situation, I really did. Bottomline is, I didn’t want it that way. ………….. Oh, it’s rather complicated. In romance stories that I’ve been reading, love is supposed to conquer all. Even if the family opposes it, right? About my family……. and that includes my relatives….., high achievers, all of them. Doctors, lawyers, engineers, governor, law professors, prosecutors, Supreme Court justice , even the younger ones are high achievers. I’ve met all of them last year when I went to the Philippines. For instance, this was my dialogue with my aunt who’s a judge ( Dad’s sister )…… So, Ren, what exactly are you majoring in > I’m studying Microbiology, auntie…… Good, good, so does it mean you’re entering medical school? I hope so, auntie, but I’m not sure now, my grades, you know, and it’s very expensive.…….Well then, you can come back here to study medicine … it’s cheaper, and medical schools are excellent…… and that’s your father wish……... I’m aware of that, uhm, excuse me , auntie, I’ll get some cake…….
So, what has it got to do with the guy in question? Well, last week, I told him I really liked him, but it wasn’t going to work out , I’m sorry. I didn’t tell him my reason, but he knew………had known it all along.
Do you think this episode makes me look like a cold-hearted person? Yes, it does, and I know that’s what you’re thinking too. I used my head, not my heart. I hurt too, but ….. I know I won’t be happy with him in the long run. I just pray he doesn’t give up on his dream. He’s still young ( ( I’m more than 1 year older than him and one year ahead of him in high school ), and I hope if or when he becomes successful and famous, he doesn’t forget me . After all, he has liked me since when, high school ? That’s quite a long time to be carrying a torch. And just in case he forgets, I’ll show him the poems he wrote, hahah… kidding ! Ah, I’m sure he’s going to make another girl happy…. he’s a warm person, not to mention good – looking. He’s just not the guy for me. ………. pause…….. okay, please don’t hate me.
* sighs* Another sad episode….. I don’t even know if I’m going to publish this, but I can delete it later. right ? Oh, by the way, I told my mom about this. So, uhm, I guess to make me feel good, we went shopping. Mom, can you afford it, I asked. You just paid my full tuition fees. Oh, well. I bought several shirts, and a Nine West purse. Yep, I was quite happy with my loot.
I know, I know!!!! While one person is hurting, I’m out happily shopping. I get it, so smack me.
Oh, hey, we’re going to barbecue again ! Memorial Day, we had one. Last Saturday was Mom’s birthday, so another barbecue…. beef tritip and pork ribs, and today, Saturday, another one. It’s for Father’s Day. We do love our backyard bbq happenings, hahah. Oh, in case you have not noticed, I started writing this post yesterday morning, Friday. And today is Saturday. Well, I was out the whole day yesterday, added a few notes here last night, but I was so tired I went to bed early. I didn’t even get to turn off the computer. So, it’s now 8:32 AM , and I need to say bye for now. Mom wants me to bake some cornbread.
And don’t throw those tomatoes at me. I’m going to hit back and throw raw eggs at you. Fu fu fu fu ( that’s manga chuckle ) Oh and later, I’m going to play Persona 4 video game. I may not have time to play anymore. oooh, and a new chapter of Skip Beat came out. Chapter 176….. Ren and kyoko are looking good. Yay!
Bye for now. PEACE ! !
Am a Molecular Microbiology student, love to read books, and I play the violin. 
dreamsending
renxkyoko
renxkyoko's space 
Posted by The Rhyming Med Student on June 19, 2011 at 12:14 am
For what it’s worth I think you made the right decision and the mature decision. It’s just unfortunate that picking the mature choice usually sucks for a while afterwards.
My Saturday turned out to be Friday this week. I guess that puts me exactly halfway between you and the rest of the world 🙂
Posted by renxkyoko on June 20, 2011 at 7:24 am
Thank you ! Thank you ! * happy now*……………. I thought I’d get the eggs, ahaha ! Oh, I can just delete everything anyways. LOL
* wipes sweat * ……
Posted by The Hook on June 19, 2011 at 11:45 am
Cheer up, young lady! You’re young, talented and full of promise. The world is your oyster, it’s a cliche, but it’s true!
Posted by renxkyoko on June 20, 2011 at 7:26 am
Whoo ! Another one ! Thanks a bunch ! I was actually starting to feel really, really guilty. * sighs with relief*
Posted by Deeone on June 19, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Hey, Hey now. Cheer up there happy camper! Most decisions we make in this life that seem to effect our future are never easy decisions to make. It sounds like you thought about the decision however, and that is always the wise thing to do. Whether it was right or wrong, I can’t really answer that… I don’t know the whole story or the two of your history together.
What I can say is that you and he should just appreciate the time the two of you did have together. Not to mention you have no idea what the future holds. He may become some big time music producer and seek out the love of his life, which just might be you… Hey, it could happen! Just keep your eyes on the prize and focus on what you’re doing now, there’s plenty of time for love. Trust me. 😉
Posted by renxkyoko on June 20, 2011 at 7:47 am
Whoa, Deeone!!! That is so Harlequin ! ! LOL…… well, about that part where he comes back a successful man, and seeking me out ! Hahah driving a Ferrari…… (9_9)
Won’t happen in real time…. LOL
Posted by Akshay Kumar on June 19, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Well camper that was definitely a mature and wise decision, now that you are having barbeques and happily shopping I only wish that the Guy take it in the same spirit too.. I hope in the long run it turns out to be a good decision…
You work at B&R… wow..!! there was a time (when i was a Kid) I had a dream to become a comic book store owner or the candy shop owner… 🙂
One question though – He really wrote poems for you ?? Sweet 🙂 cuz I do the same for ‘her’ 🙂
Posted by renxkyoko on June 20, 2011 at 7:57 am
Ooooh, you write poems for ” her” too ? sweet! ! yeah, he did write poems, o.Oa
Uhm, yeah, I made my bed, I’d lie in it, pardon the cliche….. no crying over spilt milk…. cliche again, lol ! Very apt cliches, though.
Posted by Lee Devine on June 19, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Renxkyoko,
Please be happy with your choice. Many times in life we have to think with our head and not our heart. We all want to think that love will conquer all but that is just not reality. Love can do a lot of things but it can not do any thing for disappointment or dissatisfaction. You did the right thing. You understood that you both wanted different things. If, sometime in the future, your paths cross again and you are both in a good place then maybe your love can blossom.
You are a smart and good person, keep up the good work..
Posted by renxkyoko on June 20, 2011 at 8:16 am
Awww, thank you, leedevine.
I’ve been reading romantic manga stories, and one would think they are fantasies, fiction all….. but it’s true what they say, such things may happen in real time., like, reality can be stranger than fiction.
Posted by timothynoel on June 20, 2011 at 12:41 am
You have Persona? Oh goodness I’m jealous. I know nothing except that it is very good and I’m going to watch the anime.
Skip Beat fan I see. I found that series hilarious, especially pre Dark Moon storyline… then it got serious but after that back to the fun (and I HATE the Vie Ghool lead singer). My sisters are avid fans and are the ones who got be into it.
Posted by renxkyoko on June 20, 2011 at 8:29 am
Hahaha You can buy them at Amazon for $10 each, used…. they’re old games already, but yeah, they’re great, especially P3, my all time fav !
Whoa!!!! You read Skip Beat ? Yay ! You know, I’m actually amazed what this manga’s hold on me is . I mean, come to think of it, it’s actually pretty boring, and slow, isn’t it ? It’s been ongoing since 2002, I think, if I’m not mistaken, but the time span is just one year ! ! ! What is it …. * ponders*
Posted by J. White Sensei on June 20, 2011 at 2:59 pm
Renxkyoko,
We all have to make choices in life. My opinion; you made the right one. there is always cause and effect in anything we say or do. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad. Sometimes we never even know the effect our actions have on others. The thing is if we constantly worry over it, it will drive us crazy.
My opinion, and this is my personal opinion mind you, people in a relationship should care mutually for each other. It sounds to me, even though he may have been a great guy, he was a little self absorbed. I’m not judging just making a personal observation. We all have our own personal “path” in life and we all spend some time figuring out who we are and what we are. That being said, to leave someone that you supposedly care about for a year to go discover yourself or chase your dreams is a little much for anyone to bare.
I think most of us want to be happy. I believe that it is important for us to be happy although life doesn’t always want to cooperate. Regardless we need to do things that put us in a position where our life if full and we are happy with ourselves and our life. at the end of the day when you go to bed, it is how your heart feels that is important. That’s not being selfish although it can be if it is taken to an extreme. But the old saying that says you can’t love anyone else unless you love yourself first has a lot of merit.
You made a choice. Perhaps it wasn’t an easy one but sometimes the right ones aren’t easy.
I think you made the right one.
Oh…and congrats on the new job!!!!
Posted by renxkyoko on June 21, 2011 at 1:12 am
I just feel my reason for the rejection is not a “noble” one, and no matter how I look at it, it feels like “I’m really a cold person, materialistic and all that. But, as cliche goes, life is not a bed of roses…. we’ve seen so many relationships go down because one has been blindsided by emotions one feels at the moment. After some reality check, resentment kicks in.
Posted by Lafemmeroar on June 20, 2011 at 6:43 pm
You’re not cold hearted. You’re smart and practical. You’re young and lots of opportunities await you. If anyone throws tomatoes … throw them some adobo (messy, greasy but good and they’ll get the message).
Posted by renxkyoko on June 21, 2011 at 1:15 am
Ah, adobo ! LOL you know about that ? hahaha
I guess I;m just feeling guilty…. and totally unromantic, (*_*)#
Posted by DP on June 20, 2011 at 7:31 pm
You made the right decision. It doesn’t make sense to be with someone (no matter how good looking) if they don’t match you on the ambition front. He may be ‘trying’ his best, but at the end of the day – you and I know what counts. If he’s interested in film or entertainment, he should be getting into the best film schools, etc. Winging it isn’t going to help and you don’t want to be footing the bill with your emotion and money.
Sorry. You did well. As my friend says, “CUT, SLING, and LOAD”.
Posted by renxkyoko on June 21, 2011 at 1:27 am
DP, as always, BULLSEYE ! ! (*~*)#
You even used the dreaded words….. words I tried to avoid…. sheesh, you even mentioned the good-looking thing… Ahahaha!
* hides*
Posted by J. White Sensei on June 21, 2011 at 2:24 pm
I think most of us are telling you the same thing in general, dear. You may feel like you are a cold person right now, but how would you have felt if you had ket it go on with the feelings you have inside?
You made the right choice. Now go out there and just be you. Trust me, there is something better waiting down the road (AND probably better looking)
Posted by renxkyoko on June 22, 2011 at 4:02 am
Aww ! Yes, I know, you all are and I’m delighted you all agree with my decision. But the bottomline here is, it;s me . I have another reason, and the truth is, it’s the Numero Uno reason, and that , my friends, is the worst reason , ever. ,,, won’t tell,
Posted by farah on June 21, 2011 at 5:56 pm
Owh you! I think you just didn’t love him enough… Usually if you falling for someone, you just do all the crazy things, and you won’t even care with all those achievement things (thats usually happen in a movie lol )…. I guess your parents raised you very well. And your family conversation is hilarious… it’s hard though if you surrounded by high achievers…
Good luck with your love life 😉
Posted by DP on June 22, 2011 at 6:20 pm
why would you fall in love with a loser int he first place? If you ask me, you chose the wrong guy to begin with and now you are emotionally invested with someone that is not going to do anything with their life.
Sorry, i’m a bit cold. The truth hurts some times.
Posted by renxkyoko on June 23, 2011 at 12:35 am
waaaahaaahaaa !! I wasn’t in love with him at all ! * palmface* I just liked him ,,, coz he was a bishie. * wipes sweat*
Posted by DP on June 24, 2011 at 6:49 pm
I know you weren’t, i’m simply commenting on Farah’s “do all the crazy things, and you won’t even care with all those achievement things (thats usually happen in a movie lol” comment.
Posted by renxkyoko on June 22, 2011 at 4:05 am
aaargh ! Farah, you kind of mentioned ( not directly) my # 1 reason for the rejection.
Posted by Ks on June 22, 2011 at 7:00 am
Ren, how are you? Been out of here for long. I miss reading your posts. 🙂
Posted by renxkyoko on June 22, 2011 at 9:26 am
Hi, KS !
Welcome back ! I miss reading your posts, too. I’ve been going there to check out if there are any new updates, so I’m glad you’re back.
Posted by Mic Anonymous on June 26, 2011 at 5:49 am
hi ren (am i allowed to call you that?haha). I felt sad about you the leaving the guy that you like but I also think it’s very mature and courageous to do something like that. Yes, in the long run, it won’t work out because you have different visions of the future. You’re bound to meet someone else who’s more compatible with your dreams and aspirations. so don’t lose hope. and your mom is so cool for going shopping with you after this sad episode. cheer up!
Posted by renxkyoko on June 27, 2011 at 3:37 am
Hi, Micah ! There, I said your name. * grins*
It’s okay, I don’t feel any regrets… it just took me a while to finally confront the issue. Hey, Micah, you’re Filipino, you kind of ” know”, right?
Posted by Mic Anonymous on June 27, 2011 at 9:20 am
Yes Ren, I know how you feel. It also happened to me when I was younger and I am glad I made a wise decision to choose with my mind rather than my heart. Now I am married to a man whom I really love and who share the same vision as mine.
Posted by DanielleAubrey on June 26, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Hey it’s me, finally leaving you a comment! Haha… Anyways I read your post and I hope you don’t mind because you said you were thinking about deleting it… but anyway I see you have a difficult situation on your hands. How have things been working out since you made your decision? Are you still sad? I have been faced with the same problem you have… my family has a lot of money and is very successful and the same is expected from me. But, I have been with my boyfriend for three years and he is still working at a drug store as a check out boy and is still indecisive about what he wants to do with his life. (As you know from a few of my blog posts)… but after all I have decided that I don’t care what my family thinks and he makes me happy and I know that after everything if we are meant to be we will end up in the right place together… and if not, well you live and you learn. I think you are being very understanding of that guy you like and his dreams and that is great… but I don’t know if you should throw it all away if you really like him! If you stick with him and support him maybe things will work out, and if not then something else will work out instead! That’s just the optimisim talking. Overall it is your choice. How are things working out?
Posted by renxkyoko on June 27, 2011 at 3:29 am
Hey !
Oh, my goodness, I hear you, loud and clear ! Yes, we were on the same boat, paddling together, but , uhm, I jumped ship, and swam ashore, and now feel horrible about it. My reason is less than stellar, and no matter how I turn it, twist it , spin it, it comes out the same. That’s why, I thought I ‘d just delete my post. But I won’t. Too late.
My reason is indefensible. At the same time, it’s rather complicated coz I have to factor in family and culture. It’s not money, not at all. We’re not even rich, so who am I to choose that over feelings ? * slaps forehead* The more I talk, the more I dig my own grave deeper. lol ! !
Posted by marjoriedeleon on June 29, 2011 at 10:07 am
You’ve got standards and that’s great.
I’m proud of you, girl..
the right man for you will surely come along
soon. 🙂
Posted by renxkyoko on June 30, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Oh, thank you ! But I hope , in the future, I’ll be able to base it on feelings, and accept a person, warts and all.
Posted by Duma Key on July 11, 2011 at 2:02 pm
At least you thought through your actions and looked at what is right in the long term, sometimes we get lost in this ideal of love and forget the true meaning!
Sometimes because we love we have to let go, that’s the pure and simple reality of this thing they call love!
Posted by renxkyoko on July 11, 2011 at 8:00 pm
Nice thoughts, Duma Key ! I think love is when one accepts a person, warts and all, and so, if there’s one thing that I cannot accept, and makes me quite uncomfortable , then I think it will not be a good relationship, IMO. It will always be a major issue to me, see. Horrible and cold, isn’t it ? In the long run, it would be the kinder decision.
Posted by Duma Key on July 12, 2011 at 9:26 am
I guess you both have to find a level of happiness that works! It’s hard to figure it all out but I suppose by being true to you and yourself eventually you will get there
Posted by renxkyoko on July 12, 2011 at 10:50 pm
Aaaargh.. ! I guess it will take a long time to find the ideal guy, * grins sheepishly*, I don’t even know what that is. Love will come in an unexpexted way, they say,,, that is, when you least expect it. So many issues are getting in the way at the moment. Yeah, I have issues. (*~*)
Posted by sasaliwngawit on March 17, 2012 at 8:48 am
hello, renx,
ba’t ngayon ko lang ‘to nabasa? naman… ito pala ‘yon, ang istorya ng masaklap na potential romance ng isang microbiology student, ahaha. ^^
btw, una, angkop na angkop ang mga manga pics, kainaman. sa gitna ng iyong kalungkutan, nakuha mong maghanap ng mga tugmang larawan. ahaha, masakit din, naman… i feel for you, ‘neng.. 🙂
on the other hand (nangialam daw?), hindi ba posible na the two of you just went on date, or gone steady? sa ‘yo ba, pag nag-relasyon talagang for keeps na agad?
it may also be the case that you don’t want any distractions sa studies. kumbaga, mababa ang love-love sa rung ng priorities mo… whehehe, nanghuhula lang. ^^
asan na sya ngayon, aber. naaalala ka pa ba nya? *wink-wink* hugs, kapatid! 🙂
Posted by Tagged 4 and random musings « renxkyoko's space on April 9, 2012 at 3:07 am
[…] I don’t get teased… I get pressured to do the best in I can. Ever heard of Asian Tiger Moms? This has also become a problem of most young Asians here in the US. ….too much pressure. Geez, I even got pressured to unlike a guy coz he didn’t make the grade. And I gave in. I know , I was horrible. I sucked, big time. I talked about that here. […]