Posts Tagged ‘suicide’

I have a sad story to tell

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So my last post was in middle of April.  I’ve been doing a lot of stuff these days that I have not done for a long , long time , like, reading my guilty pleasures, ( mangas ….  Comics, Ren?  Why not a  good book , instead ? I know, I know…)   and playing  video games.  ( I have at least 7 unplayed games lined up )

 

Anyway,  about the title of this post…….

 

It’s not only sad.. it  is , in fact, shocking, shocking, shocking !

 

This happened to a close family relative in the Philippines… a young couple…. the wife is the daughter  of  my Mom’s first cousin.  I’m also very close to this couple.  They were at our family reunion middle of February when we were there on vacation.  I never thought that would the last time I’d see  her husband.

 

You see , the husband shot himself  this week,  ( Thursday AM, May 21 ) . He was just  40 years old,  with 3 young children, aged 12, 8 and 6.

 

So, what is the story behind this tragedy ?  To date,  we still don’t know.  It couldn’t have been financial ,  could it  ?  Here’s the thing… I’ll call him Rey. Rey  was an accountant , the top honcho of the accounting department of one of the biggest congromelate in Asia. He was also # 2 in national licensing  exam , so I’m sure that was the reason why he was made the top man in the accounting department , with a salary of Philipine peso , PhP 300,000 a month.  $ 6,000 in USD . But then, the average salary of a public school teacher  in the Philippines is ~ Php 20,000  ( USD 400 ) in cities, lower in the provinces and small towns.  So, the reason for the suicide was not a financial problem, right ? And even if, indeed it was, was it so overwhelming that he had decided his beautiful family was way  better off  without him?  His wife does not work, he has 3 very young kids, he has a house mortgage to pay, maybe a car (  his car is a 2019 Honda SUV )  school tuitions , etc.  But he had a freaking Php 300,000 a month salary ! ! They’re getting so much family support ( from wife’s side ) .. in fact, my cousin’s grandma ( my mom’s auntie ) gave them a 3 – floor condominium unit, and the only mortgage they pay  is a small  government housing loan that they used  for renovation. The house was a gift from grandma !  And that 2019 SUV with just a 10,000 mileage was sold to them by her uncle( Mom;s first cousin ) for mere $5,000. It was practically a give -away.  So, what was his problem  !! !! ! ! ! Why, Rey, why ?

By the way, during this covid lockdown in the Philippines, he worked at home.  Then , morning of Thursday, he left for an office meeting. He didn’t go , obviously. Instead, he went to Heritage memorial park ( a cemetery where Rey’s dad is buried ), the security guard let him in, he parked the car on the street near his dad’s graveyard, nobody knew what he did, maybe he said goodbye to his dad,  texted  Lexie , his 12 year old daughter, (  ” Take care of your brothers, ” ) then , according to the guard, he  heard a gunshot, found him in his car, dead, wearing a seatbelt, the gun on the passenger side, and a Bible and Rosary on his lap.

 

…………………………

 

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I can’t… I’m out of here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Negative Thoughts On Early Monday Morning

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I am quite devastated re Anthony Bourdain’s  suicide….. and mad at him. Why did he do that ? His and Andrew Zimmern’s shows are two of my favorite shows , ever. ……. and I just binge-watched his Parts Unknown last month on Netflix.  ( I watched No Reservations  on Travel Channel )  . I was waiting for Season 2  of Parts Unknown, but now, I don’t think I can watch that anymore. It’s incomprehensible why very successful people like Anthony Bourdain would end their lives. There are millions and million others who struggle to keep themselves  alive,  people in war-torn areas and the sick, and people who are starving.  Was it the constant pressure  of  his  job, or had he gotten sick and tired of the endless travelling and living in hotels?  Didn’t he ever think of just quitting, leave everything behind, and live the rest of his life  watching his  11 – year old daughter grow ,  and smelling the roses?

 

It’s really a mystery how our minds work, isn’t it ?  Here’s the thing, though….. for some reason , I think I  understand  why  he had decided to end his life.  I have a confession to make.  I was so devastated, depressed,  and distraught over the election of this   T-t-t-trump  person  that I felt  I wanted to die.  Don’t get me wrong….  I didn’t think of ending my life… I just wanted to die….. big difference. But the emotion of disappearing from the face of the earth was frighteningly real .

 

*  pondering *

 

Anyway,  I’m offering this flower ( amaryllis ) to Anthony Bourdain.  This one didn’t bloom for 3 years, and when it finally did, the gift of  beauty was spectacular.  Rest in peace, Anthony Bourdain.  ” You can go home home now  . You’re free. ”  ( a quote from the video game God of War )

 

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Thank you for reading.  See you next time , and peace.

 

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