So my last post was in middle of April. I’ve been doing a lot of stuff these days that I have not done for a long , long time , like, reading my guilty pleasures, ( mangas …. Comics, Ren? Why not a good book , instead ? I know, I know…) and playing video games. ( I have at least 7 unplayed games lined up )
Anyway, about the title of this post…….
It’s not only sad.. it is , in fact, shocking, shocking, shocking !
This happened to a close family relative in the Philippines… a young couple…. the wife is the daughter of my Mom’s first cousin. I’m also very close to this couple. They were at our family reunion middle of February when we were there on vacation. I never thought that would the last time I’d see her husband.
You see , the husband shot himself this week, ( Thursday AM, May 21 ) . He was just 40 years old, with 3 young children, aged 12, 8 and 6.
So, what is the story behind this tragedy ? To date, we still don’t know. It couldn’t have been financial , could it ? Here’s the thing… I’ll call him Rey. Rey was an accountant , the top honcho of the accounting department of one of the biggest congromelate in Asia. He was also # 2 in national licensing exam , so I’m sure that was the reason why he was made the top man in the accounting department , with a salary of Philipine peso , PhP 300,000 a month. $ 6,000 in USD . But then, the average salary of a public school teacher in the Philippines is ~ Php 20,000 ( USD 400 ) in cities, lower in the provinces and small towns. So, the reason for the suicide was not a financial problem, right ? And even if, indeed it was, was it so overwhelming that he had decided his beautiful family was way better off without him? His wife does not work, he has 3 very young kids, he has a house mortgage to pay, maybe a car ( his car is a 2019 Honda SUV ) school tuitions , etc. But he had a freaking Php 300,000 a month salary ! ! They’re getting so much family support ( from wife’s side ) .. in fact, my cousin’s grandma ( my mom’s auntie ) gave them a 3 – floor condominium unit, and the only mortgage they pay is a small government housing loan that they used for renovation. The house was a gift from grandma ! And that 2019 SUV with just a 10,000 mileage was sold to them by her uncle( Mom;s first cousin ) for mere $5,000. It was practically a give -away. So, what was his problem !! !! ! ! ! Why, Rey, why ?
By the way, during this covid lockdown in the Philippines, he worked at home. Then , morning of Thursday, he left for an office meeting. He didn’t go , obviously. Instead, he went to Heritage memorial park ( a cemetery where Rey’s dad is buried ), the security guard let him in, he parked the car on the street near his dad’s graveyard, nobody knew what he did, maybe he said goodbye to his dad, texted Lexie , his 12 year old daughter, ( ” Take care of your brothers, ” ) then , according to the guard, he heard a gunshot, found him in his car, dead, wearing a seatbelt, the gun on the passenger side, and a Bible and Rosary on his lap.
…………………………
………………………
I can’t… I’m out of here.
Am a Molecular Microbiology student, love to read books, and I play the violin. 
dreamsending
renxkyoko
renxkyoko's space 
Posted by Tony "T-Bird" Burgess on May 23, 2020 at 10:07 pm
So sorry for your loss my friend. What a horrible situation. Grace and peace to all here.
Posted by renxkyoko on May 24, 2020 at 4:12 pm
Thank you, dear Sir. My cousin is Mom’s favorite niece, and her goddaughter, so she was most affected emotionally.
Posted by John Hric on May 23, 2020 at 10:19 pm
Rexy,
Sorry for your loss. The only thing to do in this circumstance is to be supportive. Care is the only thing we can do.
Posted by renxkyoko on May 24, 2020 at 4:32 am
Thanks, John Hric.. I’m sure they will be getting a lot of support and care from hereon. I hope. Their kids are still so young.
Posted by Dracul Van Helsing on May 23, 2020 at 10:27 pm
That is so very very very sad.
I know in my own Canadian province of Alberta, the suicide rate has increased since the Covid-19 lockdown.
And friends and relatives of the deceased are often interviewed saying, “He/she was the last person I’d imagine commiting suicide.”
This pandemic is causing a lot of deaths and having deadly side effects than just covid-19.
Posted by renxkyoko on May 24, 2020 at 3:27 am
We’re confused, too. This is just a speculation… there was something that would make his world come crushing down. Not so good news are trickling down , bit by bit…. and it’s now making a lot of sense. But it’s true , there’s deep depression… in fact, he had consulted a doctor who was recommended by his sister-in-law, his wife’s sister who is also a doctor.. apparently , he couldn’t sleep and he was losing so much weight, fast. I don’t know if this was a Covid 19 side effect.
Posted by conradseitz on May 23, 2020 at 10:47 pm
Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss. I know a little about how he felt because I have felt the same way… I just didn’t do it, I… He was suffering so much but now he is free and we are left behind. I am so sorry and I swear you will not be alone.
On Sat, May 23, 2020 at 2:47 PM renxkyoko’s space wrote:
> renxkyoko posted: ” So my last post was in middle of April. I’ve been > doing a lot of stuff these days that I have not done for a long , long time > , like, reading my guilty pleasures, ( mangas …. Comics, Ren? Why not > a good book , instead ? I know, I know…) ” >
Posted by renxkyoko on May 24, 2020 at 3:35 am
Thank you, conradseitz . I’m glad your strength of character won. There are so many speculations circulating among family members , but his immediate family are not talking much, for the sake of the children. Already, the 12 year old thinks it is their fault that her dad killed himself. I don’t know if that’s a burden she will carry her entire life. My feeling is , she should know the truth.
Posted by conradseitz on June 1, 2020 at 7:53 pm
The children should be told the truth– at least all those old enough to understand it (say 4 and above)
Posted by Becky on May 24, 2020 at 12:09 am
Oh that is so sad. I hope your cousin and her children finds a way to stay strong during this difficult time.
Posted by renxkyoko on May 24, 2020 at 4:17 am
Yes, I hope they do. Thank you, Becky.
Posted by By Hook Or By Book ~ Book Reviews, News, & Other Stuff on May 24, 2020 at 2:14 am
How tragic. I’m so, so sorry for you and your cousin. I don’t know what, if any role this pandemic played, but I know suicide rates are up and people who had even mild depression before are having an especially difficult time now, I’m glad you have each other. I
Posted by renxkyoko on May 24, 2020 at 4:09 am
I’m sure the pandemic played a bit… it gave him so much time to mull things over, and not in a good way. We’ll learn more about the whys soon. There was depression, that’s definite. What we don’t know was the reason for the depression. I’m getting depressed myself.
Posted by By Hook Or By Book ~ Book Reviews, News, & Other Stuff on May 24, 2020 at 4:46 am
I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this.
Posted by Krystallina on May 24, 2020 at 2:30 am
Sorry for your loss and my condolences to all your family members, especially the children.
Posted by arlene on May 25, 2020 at 5:53 am
That’s really, really sad Ren. Sometimes no matter how close you are to a person, you’ll never know what’s in their minds.
Posted by renxkyoko on May 26, 2020 at 5:33 pm
He was a very quiet person, Tita. That was the problem, wasn’t it ?
Posted by arlene on May 27, 2020 at 5:40 am
Tinago ang problema.
Posted by renxkyoko on May 27, 2020 at 6:26 pm
He couldn’t have hidden his problems from his wife. My cousin, his wife, still doesn’t want to talk…. and one thing, the family wants this hush-hushed for the sake of the children.
Posted by arlene on May 27, 2020 at 9:19 pm
Sad scenario Ren, the kids will surely be affected.
Posted by Jai on May 25, 2020 at 9:54 am
Condolences, Ren. 😦
Posted by renxkyoko on May 26, 2020 at 5:32 pm
Thanks, Jai. T.T
Posted by Ken Powell on May 25, 2020 at 12:45 pm
Very very sorry for your loss. This is a sad tale indeed and very confusing as to why he did this. Suicide among men is a true pandemic of its own and truly upsetting. It is rather strange that he wore his seatbelt before killing himself. Very strange thing to do…
Posted by renxkyoko on May 25, 2020 at 5:48 pm
Thank you . Maybe the seatbelt was an automatic action. Maybe he didn’t want to be found slumped on the wheel. In fact, one would think he’d shoot himself on the head, but no, he shot himself on the stomach, and maybe seconds before he expired , he placed the gun on the passenger seat. Maybe for a second there, he wished to survive…. because the wound was just in the stomach. I don’t know. There was no foul play. There were powder burns on his hand. That was his gun, a .42.
Posted by Ken Powell on May 27, 2020 at 10:05 pm
Still very strange… Perhaps he was aiming for his heart? Whatever, I am sorry for this tragic loss 😞
Posted by ResidentPatriot on May 26, 2020 at 10:06 pm
that is very shocking. but news is saying that a lot of people are suffering mentally too here in the philippines. this covid crisis is affecting everyone even those who appear to be strong and invulnerable.
Posted by renxkyoko on May 27, 2020 at 6:22 pm
He had so much time to mull things over. Those things brought him to a bad place. After some thoughts, we , his relatives, had put two and two together, connected the dots, and we hope we are wrong, because we had concluded he could solve his problems with our help… they were not insurmountable…. his presence with his family was the most important thing….. killing himself deprived them of a parent’s love.
Posted by shechaimspeaks on May 27, 2020 at 11:28 am
My dear friend, I pray for a blessing of understanding in this time of sorrow for you and your family, I personally know from where your family is coming from, this may not pass however; time has a habit of healing, Please Stay Safe?
Shechaim
Posted by Serene on May 27, 2020 at 11:37 pm
My condolences 😞
I do have mild depression myself and it is not easy to get through this period, to be honest. Some days, I’ll just break down and cry. Feeling negative and afraid. It’s really tiring to keep going through those emotions. 😔
Posted by Markus + Micah on May 30, 2020 at 8:05 am
Oh no. Sorry to hear about this. It cannot be easy for the family and everyone who knew him. Especially at this time.
Posted by Peter Wells aka Countingducks on June 11, 2020 at 1:36 pm
That’s such a terrible story and my heart goes out to you and his family. I cannot imagine how you are all feeling at this time. I’m sorry I’ve been so late in commenting but I feel for you
Posted by equinoxio21 on June 18, 2020 at 11:01 pm
I’m very sorry for your loss. Suicide is always a shock. My little sister killed herself many years ago. Deep depression. I didn’t see the signs. Unfortunately no-one does. Part of the illness is to dissimulate to the ones nearest.
I feel for you and your family. Now the difficult task for all around is to protect the survivors. His wife. His daughter. They generally blame themselves. They shouldn’t. Nor should they blame him. He was in too much pain of some sort.
You and yours must be brave. To help those who remain.
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Posted by Washe Koda on July 1, 2020 at 11:42 pm
😥
Posted by renxkyoko on July 1, 2020 at 11:46 pm
Yes. I know.
Posted by parneetsachdev on July 1, 2020 at 11:59 pm
Feel sorry for the loss. Actually depression is a problem which cannot be dissected by a logical mind. When a normal healthy person analyses a situation, she can’t figure a reason enough for such a step. However, the one who does it has imagined a world which does not exist.
My prayers are for your cousin, her three children. They are the ones who have to bear the brunt.
Posted by renxkyoko on July 2, 2020 at 12:02 am
Yes, you are definitely right. People who have not experienced this will always find it incomprehensible and utterly perplexing.
Posted by cindy knoke on July 3, 2020 at 4:53 am
I am so truly sorry. It is not a problem unique to your family. It is a problem of the human family. We do so very much need, as human beings, to take a serious look at mental illness, and all the people who suffer alone, never tell anyone, but feel death is their only and best solution. I think the thing that makes me the saddest is the suffering people like this endure for so long, alone before they become hopeless and decide the world would be better off without them. The truth of the matter is, these sensitive, hurting souls are the best of all of us. We need to do so much more to save them.
And when they leave us. They leave a devastated family who can’t help but blame themselves. It definitely has nothing to do with the individual family. It relates to the human family and how we treat each other.
I am so very sorry for you and your family.
Posted by renxkyoko on July 4, 2020 at 3:19 am
He shouldn’t have suffered alone, and kept his problems to himself. It was financial, Ma’m Cindy Knoke. And we think Amor propio—shame was a big factor. He knew everyone would help and chip in. We really don’t know what went through his mind. Do you know it wasn’t that big of a financila loss? Before, we speculated he invested ( suspected it was his own business ) in his brother’s business… and we thought what kind of business was that that cost him his life? Uber ? Ponzi scheme ? Nope, it was merely “meat ” business { I think they buy meat to sell to supermarkets or something What the heck ! That’s small time. ! That his brother went bankrupt, and our cousin was left holding an empty bag was not really a big problem. Sheesh, our grandma gave them a condominium unit. Free ….
Anyway, it ‘s a bit complicated . To make the story short, he became the sole financila support of his widowed mother and his only sibling, his brother who has 4 children.
Posted by imagesbytdashfield on July 4, 2020 at 2:49 pm
I have no words…here’s a hug.
Posted by KC Redding-Gonzalez on July 19, 2020 at 2:41 pm
All we can do is try to be there for the ones we love. We cannot know the depths of any human heart, or the limits of despair…We can only know the love we give to each other…and hope for the best.
Posted by renxkyoko on July 19, 2020 at 4:35 pm
True. It’s incomprehensible.