Negative Thoughts On Early Monday Morning



I am quite devastated re Anthony Bourdain’s  suicide….. and mad at him. Why did he do that ? His and Andrew Zimmern’s shows are two of my favorite shows , ever. ……. and I just binge-watched his Parts Unknown last month on Netflix.  ( I watched No Reservations  on Travel Channel )  . I was waiting for Season 2  of Parts Unknown, but now, I don’t think I can watch that anymore. It’s incomprehensible why very successful people like Anthony Bourdain would end their lives. There are millions and million others who struggle to keep themselves  alive,  people in war-torn areas and the sick, and people who are starving.  Was it the constant pressure  of  his  job, or had he gotten sick and tired of the endless travelling and living in hotels?  Didn’t he ever think of just quitting, leave everything behind, and live the rest of his life  watching his  11 – year old daughter grow ,  and smelling the roses?


It’s really a mystery how our minds work, isn’t it ?  Here’s the thing, though….. for some reason , I think I  understand  why  he had decided to end his life.  I have a confession to make.  I was so devastated, depressed,  and distraught over the election of this   T-t-t-trump  person  that I felt  I wanted to die.  Don’t get me wrong….  I didn’t think of ending my life… I just wanted to die….. big difference. But the emotion of disappearing from the face of the earth was frighteningly real .


*  pondering *


Anyway,  I’m offering this flower ( amaryllis ) to Anthony Bourdain.  This one didn’t bloom for 3 years, and when it finally did, the gift of  beauty was spectacular.  Rest in peace, Anthony Bourdain.  ” You can go home home now  . You’re free. ”  ( a quote from the video game God of War )




Thank you for reading.  See you next time , and peace.


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24 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Mario Savioni on June 11, 2018 at 6:45 pm

    I love you my dear and like the love Mr. Bourdain must have felt from his fans, I would want you to know that there are so many, who would be interested in giving you cheer. But, as you know, we often keep our own council and repeat the same mental thoughts day after day. We see the world in only one way, never perhaps in the way others with so much less have to endure.


  2. Sometimes…the world deals us cards that we are not prepared for. We all get a feeling of sadness, depression and feeling it’s not worth it anymore from time to time. Lord knows the pas few months I had more than a few of those days. The thing is though, there are luckily also a lot of things that make living worthwhile and put a smile on your face. I try to cling on to those things for dear life as they are precious and should definitely be cherished. I hope you the feeling will pass for you soon. Take care 😊


  3. Being a celebrity doesn’t make you exempt from mental health troubles or life crises. Though I am not in support of the idea of suicide, everyone has their reasons for doing things. R.I.P. Anthony Bourdain.


  4. I believe that’s also a quote from Gladiator.

    As for the suicide, I’ve written my thoughts on an upcoming Project 313, so I won’t repeat them here.

    However, and this is just a suggestion, your stated reaction to the election seems . . . well, a bit disproportionate to the event.

    It’s also counter to figuring out why it happened, and I don’t mean the knee-jerk reaction that everyone else is a racist or an idiot.

    When something unexpected happens, perhaps we should focus less on holding our breath until we get our way and a bit more into figuring out why we didn’t see it coming in the first place.

    Also, the over-reaction is getting its own backlash precisely because it’s disproportionate.


    • The main character in God of War said that at his wife’s funeral, at the start of the game.

      To be honest, it is disproportionate….. but I had these thoughts the day after , so my reaction was quite visceral. I was caught up in the moment, hence my irrational thoughts. But it was only for a moment, mind you.


    • One thing we can thank Trump for is setting the bar so low that dang near anyone that comes after him will seem an improvement.

      I presume it’ll be one of his sons, if that makes you feel any better.

      I don’t know which one . . . I was going to say “the smart one” but I’ll go with “the slimier-looking” one, thus leaving the door open for personal preference.


      • I could say “I got physically sick at the thought of a Donald J. Trump son being the next president” but like you say, that’s an over-reaction. In reality, it just depressed me even more.
        I don’t normally comment but that did flush me out of my lurky-hole and open up another can of worms. Anthony Bourdain was obviously suffering a great deal, and he couldn’t take it anymore. The mystery is what he was suffering about and whether it could make you at least understand why he did it.
        There is another suicide that didn’t make much news at the time, but I thought was equally, if not more devastating: a 60-year-old man who lived in NYC poured gasoline on himself and set himself on fire after making careful preparations. He was well-known within his own community as an activist and environmentalist and ran a composting company that was pathbreaking in NYC. He probably didn’t get much publicity because he was gay, but self-immolation is still a very dramatic thing and it rated an article in the NYT.
        Anyway, I wanted to say that the best way to help in this situation is to try to come together as much as possible and share as much as we can… by telling one another about our feelings of vulnerability and weakness we can perhaps diffuse the tension within our own minds and reduce the pain we each feel enough so that it doesn’t feel overwhelming.
        So, remember that you are not alone and if you feel really bad you can tell me or someone here who has some connection to you– that is, if your mother or your sister or your cousin isn’t here for you right now.
        Just remember that you are not alone.


  5. I loved watching Anthony’s show. He wasnt afraid to tell it how it was. My favorite episode was when he went to Mexico and he ate fried Iguana and he got freaked out over it.
    Your Amarylis is a beautiful flower.♥


    • My fav one was in Italy when he showed displeasure towards his hosts who threw live fish into the water while Bourdain was underwater supposedly fishing, lol. he said that was cheating for the viewers. He didn’t like that.

      The amaryllis flower is huge !


  6. Sad…And, So nice of your sentiments.


  7. I know what you mean.


  8. Peace back. Most people to commit suicide wrongly believe they will end the pain they feel. Whatever pain that is. Wrong? Yes, they just end all feeling. And leave the living in shock and pain. But nobody’s managed to tell them that. Trust me. It’s happened several times in my close family. So, rest in peace Anthony.
    And you, Ren? Have a nice week-end.


    • Their loved ones they leave behind are the ones who suffer . My parents had a close friend who jumped into the railroad tracks as a fast train was approaching. My parents couldn’t believe he would do that… he had 3 small chidren, and he was a political activist, and a very good speaker. Later, they learned he gambled at casinos, and was drowning in debt.


      • Money is often a strong marker of depression and suicide. How sad for his family and friends. A golden rule: when one starts to think of ways of “ending it”, go see a shrink immediately. I’m serious. It can happen to anyone.
        Well, have a lovely week nonetheless. “Ren”. 🙂


    • That’s true, if you add it up, it ends your pain, but it makes more pain for your loved ones…


  9. Its always extraordinary how a person’s suicide often takes those around them, who felt they knew and understood them well, by surprise. Events can take us into an unbearable wilderness invisible to others and disguised by the apparent signs of happiness and prosperity. It is always shocking and utterly saddening. As for Trump: don’t get me started please !!!


    • I was devastated and totally demoralized, Peter Wells. …. not with this person, but with millions of people who voted for him, and million others who didn’t bother to vote. Of course , it was their right, but I wish they ‘d take into consideration the character of the candidate. It was there for everybody to see, and they still voted for him. My heart sank.


  10. Posted by Bebekoh on June 20, 2018 at 10:59 am

    I’ve only seen a few clips of Antony Bourdain’s show. I don’t really know him. But he’s not the first celebrity to commit suicide this year. Avicii committed suicide, as well as Kate Spade.

    True, that with all the money in the world, it would not make you happy. Depression will eventually be the number killer in the world, according to statistics, if not addressed.

    We live in a world where people can easily get connected but no real connection. I hope there are people who’ll reach out to them.


  11. That’s just it. You can’t ask reasonable questions bc the answer was unreasonable. Their mind was unwell, their spirit even more so.
    Such tragedy.


  12. …and he appeared so equipped emotionally to deal with the yuk of life, a person who would have been baffled by the very notion of losing the gusto, or of anyone taking their life. The absolute last person – celebrity – that I would have expected it of. I like to think he would take it back if he could.


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