You Know You’re Married to a Filipina If….

I showed the article ( a list, actually ) to my mother and older sister. They found it hilarious, and at the same time, annoying…. just a bit. My mother tells me the list is exagerrated and full of generalizations, and most probably , the Filipina wife comes from a small town, and if so, the list is probably true. ( 9__9). I’m  now having second thoughts, but , I’ll be brave and post it anyway. Here it comes! Aaaargh!

The list starts with a note ,” this is written by an American guy who loves his wife despite the numerous irregularities “.

1. Your refrigerator is full but you cannot find anything that you recognize.

2. Instead of a dowry, you got the whole bill for the wedding and the honeymoon.      ( Okay, a little explanation here……… in Philippine culture, the groom or the groom’s family pays for the wedding, unlike here in the US. It makes sense, though. It’s like, ” you want to marry me? then pay up ! hahaha ! Come to think of it,  the bride’s parents paying for the wedding seems like they are over-eager to marry their daughter off. It feels wrong. My mother says the man and his family ( and siblings ) go to the girl’s home, and ask for the daughter’s hand, and for the girl’s parents’ approval. The girl’s parents usually ask how their son’s going to support their daughter, where they are going to live….. (^_^)….after which, both sets of parents discuss the wedding. Meanwhile, the bride and groom are silent, and can only speak when spoken to. (~.^) In Phil. culture, this is what they call ” pamanhikan”, and this is merely a formal meeting between 2 families.

3. All her relatives think your name is ” Joe.”  ( Mom says, ” definitely small town girl” . Small town folks call Americans “Joe”. ^__^ )

4. The instant you are married, you suddenly have 3,ooo relatives you can never tell apart. ( ^________^)  True.

5.Your house isn’t really on fire, you’ve just got a very charred  fish on top of the stove burner. ( Majority of single Filipinas do not cook . They have maids and their mothers do that for them. My mother said her first rice turned out like porridge, and her chicken adobo was like chicken soup of vinegar and soy sauce,< adobo should be a little dry with just a small amount of sauce left from the juices > and one time, she sauteed garlic,etc and meat, then watched TV, then , to her horror, the food on the stove burst into flame because the meat was so charred it turned into  charcoal . She forgot to add water or broth to the meat she was cooking )

6. Your in – laws take 10 years to acknowledge your existence, and to call you by something other than ” that white guy”.  (^_^)

7.Your phone bills are composed of international and calls that last 3 hours each. (  LOL….. $ 12 /hour…. we have that on our bill, too. )

8.Your first Christmas present is some funny looking, baggy, see-through shirt made out of lace doilies. ( Meh. It’s common formal dress shirt for Filipino men. Clothing material is made from pineapple fiber. It’s very delicate clothing material and very suitable for the tropics. ) Here’s a picture of Barong Tagalog, a Filipino formal attire.

 

9. She sweeps the yard with something witches fly on. ( LOL ! We have that too, and it’s so convenient to use. It’s made from the dried midribs of coconut leaves.

10. Her idea of classy, expensive champagne is Asti Spumante. ( Well……. depends where she comes from……. city girls nowadays know fine dining and they drink wine. I know. I’ve been there )

11.The rice cooker is on 24 hours a day and makes up 50% of your electricity and food budget. ( I don’t know about that. We turn off the rice cooker as rice burns easily. Maybe it’s the ironing that makes up 50% of electricity. Filipinas iron everything, bedsheets, pillows, table napkins, handkerchiefs, and * cough* cotton panties, * cough * < grandmas’, okay?>

12. On your first trip to the Philippines, you have 18 giant boxes weighing 1000 lbs each and your ” carry -on ” luggage requires a small forklift truck. ( ^______^)

13. The same boxes are over filled with things that cost a dollar each, and the worst thing is, you find that the same stuff you’ve been hauling halfway around the world are available at all the stores there at half the price. ( Hahahaha ! True , so true ! !  We learned a lesson when we went there this summer , lol ! )

14. All her pajamas look like they were worn by the Dalai Lama and they became too faded and discarded them ( Maybe Filipina wife is too frugal…. although, I myself have this old , baggy, faded, Micky Mouse T shirt, with a hole in the armpit, that I still use for sleeping. ^^” )

15. The first time she’s pregnant you have to go out at 4 in the morning looking for some type of greasy sausages .  ( Mom said she craved and dreamt of banana split fudge when she was pregnant with me. ^^ ” )

16.You buy a $500 freezer so she can store 200 pounds of Spam and corned beef that was on sale. (  Spam in a freezer? lol )

17. Everything in your house is bought on sale, even if you don’t need it….. that it’s a ” Bargain” is all that matters. ( ^____^)

18. Your daughter gets her ears pierced when she’s 2 minutes old, but your sons don’;t get circumcised until they’re 21. ( About the sons….. mom says it isn’t true. Filipino male babies are cicumcized right after birth, if it can be done right away. Otherwise, it’s done when they’re old enough…. and done during summer vacation because the newly circumcized boys have to wear skirts while they’re healing. LOL )

19. The only ” white meat” she likes is YOU, and that is, if you’re lucky. ( Eh? (^__^) )

20.Her favorite sauce is ” patis ” < fish sauce >. Non- Filipinos call it turpentine. ( ~.^)

21. She actually thinks bowling, golf, and billiards are real sports, and are more important than baseball and football.

22. You were married 5 years already before she explained to you that ” Aray !! ” ( Ouch ! ! ) doesn’t mean ” Oooh, baby” !  ( LOL )

23. She and the kids are always saying ” Daddy made utot ” ( means, Daddy farted ) and you still don’t know what it means, and they think it’s pretty funny. ( Alright, in Philippine culture, farting in public is taboo, a no – n0, and usually frowned upon. If  you’re a guy wooing a Filipina and you fart in her presence, you’re toast ! LOL )

24. In summer, she goes to the movies just for the AC.

25. Her homeland has more megamalls than islands. ( ^____^) True, LOL !

26. Before every holiday visit to the Philippines, her sisters sends you a 10 – page fax made up of ” bilins ” ( Wish list ) and it says ” Suggestions only “. ( LOL ! ( ^___^)…. …… …. They will also send you paper outlines of their feet, to make sure you get the right size for their Nike sneakers, lol )

27. Her friends are named Chinky, Girlie, Boy and Bimbo, and NO! , you’re not allowed to smirk . ( when you get introduced to them for the first time, lol )

28. You are the only one within a 200 mile radius with several dvd players and televisions. ( Here, at home, we have 6 dvd players and TVs…… a 46″ inch in the family room w/ dvd, and one for each bedroom, and in the garage, where we watch while exercising /running on treadmill. ^___^’  )

29. She’s done her best job planning a surprise party for you if she manages not to tell you 2 weeks before.

30. She cleans her closet by throwing all the crap into your closet. ( Well, Filipinos never throw anything away. ^^’ ) 

Here’s a video of some Filipino ” native ” dances. Click it and enjoy watching.

 

 

 

 

 

7 responses to this post.

  1. LMAO!!! 😛

    Reply

  2. (^_____^)”
    ROFL, LAMAO !!!!

    Reply

  3. i’ve read this list once in Bob Ong’s book.. nice! now i know who wrote the list. 🙂

    Reply

  4. Ahaha, am afraid the American guy took so long to learn the patterns, huh?! He’s got to learn the ropes, I’d say… Hello, Renx! 🙂

    Reply

  5. Posted by solo on February 9, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    I remember my grandmother telling my uncle that i marry an american which is a norwegian from norway..Hahaha coz all white men are “Joes”…

    Reply

  6. Posted by JK Bevill - Lost Creek Publishing on May 31, 2013 at 11:58 am

    Reblogged this on lost creek publishing.

    Reply

  7. Lol this is funny. Most are true but her wife seems so careless and dont know anything. girls from the province are more organized at home. i also came from the province but we are taught of all the household chores, good manners, specially cooking too. well its because my grandma was educated. she taught us a lot. I rarely go to the mall but for sure other filipinas
    do just for the ac since it is too hot at home.

    Reply

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